Hold, Ben. Don't eject.

"Hold, Ben. Stay. Don't eject."

That was the conversation happening inside my head while I sat across from a client.

I felt like a dog wanting to go after the squirrel of familiarity, and like the owner on the other end of the leash who knew the discomfort was the way.

So I held.

My client was telling me about the vision he has for his life. A really powerful and high standard for living in alignment, love, contribution and excellence.

As he began sharing I was feeling great, following along perfectly.

Then it got grander.

And grander.

And the grander it got, the more uncomfortable I became.

It was a lot to hold and I wanted to "ground" the conversation.

Which is a generous way of saying I wanted to ground me. I wanted to bring his vision down to a size my nervous system could handle.

"Hold, Ben. Stay. Don't eject."

Instead of grounding it by changing the subject or getting rid of the feeling, I grounded it by inviting the feeling in and expanding myself.

What followed was one of the biggest breakthroughs he's had in creating that vision and a reminder for me that holding discomfort is the pathway to greatness.

The more emotional discomfort I can hold, the more aligned my life becomes.

What would your life look like if you could be with all of your discomfort?

A few moments of ‘holding’ in my life:

Three weeks ago I was on the floor of my office, looking up at the ceiling, left hand on my heart, breathing through the reality that I had five days to pull together 100 people for an event. Just breathing and holding. Here’s what came of it.

Last fall I stared at the "pay now" button to wire tens of thousands of dollars to my life coach. I’ve since gone all in on my coaching and he's transformed my life.

Last summer I was on a hike in Hawaii, refusing to back down from the immense excitement of a dream about playing soccer in Argentina. I was on a flight two weeks later.

Each of those moments created something magical and none of it would have come if I hadn't held.

Think about a balloon.

You take one giant breath and blow everything you have into it. All the way, until there's nothing left in your lungs.

Then what?

Do you let go of the bottom and let all the air out?

No, you pinch the bottom, inhale, and blow again.

And the balloon gets bigger.

Dreams work exactly the same way. We inflate them by speaking them out loud.

As we hold the experience of having spoken it, we buy ourselves enough time to inhale again and speak more of it. Over time it gets bigger and bigger, until it becomes real.

But most of us forget to hold the bottom.

We inflate it, then let the air out. We try again, and it leaves again. And over time we get discouraged, because it never seems to grow. We're "stuck."

We stay stuck for as long as we're not willing to hold the discomfort.

Ever been stuck?

Me too.

Almost three years ago, I was holding this deep truth of becoming a life coach in my mind's eye. And every time I thought of it, the doubts and the fears came up.

Too young. Not experienced enough. What if I'm not good enough? What if it doesn't work?

Every one of those thoughts had a very uncomfortable feeling attached to it.

Instead of holding, I'd decide not to feel it. And I'd let the air out.

For the next few years I only went as far as I was willing to hold the discomfort of my dream.

So here's the question I want to leave you with:

What if you held one second longer? One minute longer?

One more breath before you reach for the thing that makes it smaller and safer.

Maybe it's holding the truth of how you feel about your job, and the discomfort that comes with it. Or about your relationship, or your health. Until we look in the mirror, we can't see clearly.

The same way we can't grow a dream we won't hold, we can't improve something we’re disatisfied with if we aren't willing to be with it.

When I host people for the Big Leap events, I help them hold the discomfort. To speak their leaps out loud, and then stay with them long enough for them to become real.

The longer you hold it, and the more you speak it into the world, the more real it becomes.

When was the last time you held the discomfort of a feeling, and what did you create from it?

All my love,

Ben

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