Last night at dinner, my mom asked if there was anything in our life we wanted to crowdsource with the fam.
"I have this thing that's stressing me out…
I've tried not to talk or think about it but for some reason it won't leave me alone."
It reminded me of four years ago, second semester junior year at Michigan.
I'd been traveling that year and was in Madrid. During that time, I made my exit from greek life by making it known I no longer wanted to be a part.
It was not received well.
The thought that arose from that response: "All of greek life hates me."
Regardless of the validity of that thought, I began this disempowering story that ruled my life and sucked my energy.
I was so afraid of what it meant about me if I wasn't liked or the thought of someone hating me.
The thought and fear of it was so paralyzing, my entire day was dictated by it.
I tried as hard as I could to not think about it. To shove it away.
I'd been working with a life coach for the past year and w began going towards that thought. Starting to look at it, to feel it, to understand it.
At the time, not being liked felt equivalent to death.
Summer was quickly approaching and I needed to think about what I was going to do for an internship.
I knew I wanted to "learn how to learn."
But the last place I ever saw myself going was back to school. Anywhere but the place I wasn’t liked.
However, school at the time was the greatest place to do exactly that, but I couldn't see beyond my blinding fear.
That night I was left looking directly at the person I wanted to become and the thing that scared me.
The next morning, I woke up and decided: I'm going back to school.
I'm going towards the thing I'm most afraid of because I know there's gold on the other side.
That summer, I worked in the Michigan library. I was immersed in learning and reacclimatizing to being at school.
It ended up being one of the most healing experiences I could have had. It paved the way for my senior year where I finished off strong.
All because I decided to go towards what was scaring the crap out of me.
Which allowed me to see not belonging and being disliked as one of my superpowers (Why I Stopped Trying To Belong).
For many of us, there are things we don't want to look at—our finances, our job, our relationships, our health, our purpose.
When we keep busy and avoid the truth, those things stay in the dark and fear rules our live.
What might you be trying not to talk about or look at?
The space we create for silence and to look at that big scary monster is actually the power that allows us to create from our souls.
I lived in Bozeman, Montana for the month of July.
While I was there, I realized that stillness and silence scared the shit out of me.
I didn't see any purpose or reason to 'do nothing.'
But I knew on the other side of that resistance there was freedom.
So for a month, each day I'd go to the nearby creek and stare at water.
I'd sit there wondering what in the world I was doing. My body was tugging at me to just go back to my computer, to do something!
But I believed there was treasure in this process.
Sure enough, buried in that stillness was a fear of who I was without the doing and also a power to hear my deep desires.
In that time, my desire to go to Hawaii shined through. My love for coaching came forward. My knowing that I have my back in all of this process was strong.
It gave me the strength to pull the trigger on Hawaii, where I would later learn my desire to play soccer in Argentina.
Going towards that which scares me, freedom awaits me on the other side.
What do you want to move towards in 2026 to make yourself a more free, powerful, and loving human?
With All My Love,
Double B