A smile went across my face.
I was standing on the side of the road, hands greasy, having just disconnected my car battery for the first time.
My uber to the airport was one minute away, I had just posted a reel on instagram, and my legs were sore from a workout earlier that morning.
Life was in full motion.
A giddy excitement came over me.
“I know how to take care of my car now.”
After traveling for 8 months earlier this year, I left my car in long-term parking.
Then one day my dad asked if anyone was driving it for me.
No, why?
Well, apparently batteries die if you don’t drive for a few months. Definitely dead after 8.
I got back to Austin and sure enough—dead. But in the process, I learned how to jump-start a car.
I head home for the holidays, uncertain where I’ll be January 1st, I’m being proactive.
I learned that disconnecting the car battery slows the drain and makes it last longer.
Right before heading to the airport, I disconnected the car battery and felt this power of knowing that I hadn’t had before.
Writing 30,000 feet above ground, this idea of experience and experimentation is present.
An ability to experience life by trying things.
After my retreat in November I wrote in my journal, “keep putting yourself out there and experiencing life!!!!!”
My intention for next year?
Continue experiencing more of what life has to bring.
The more I’ve experienced, the more freedom and power I’ve gained.
I connected A with B.
(A) My ability to try new things results in
(B) more energy, more love, and more freedom to be me.
So…do more of that. :)
But part (A), sharing myself with the world, has not been easy.
When I was in high school, my mom got home and told me about a podcast she’d listened to about two parents who created a Friday Failure Dinner for their family.
Each week, every family member would share something they tried but failed at.
“I tried out for the play but didn’t make it.”
“I asked a girl out but she said no.”
“I pitched a new proposal but the client didn’t accept.”
“I had a hard conversation with a friend but it wasn’t received well.”
I remember my mom telling me about this and praying we wouldn’t implement it.
I was terrified of all the unknown and feelings that comes from trying something new: failure, pain, hurt, misunderstanding.
But by not being willing to try things out, yes, in theory I wasn’t failing or getting hurt but I was missing the other half of it!
I was missing the incredible freedom, power and love of expanding myself.
I’ve been experiencing the other side lately and I feel like I was bamboozled, “Why didn’t you tell me about this earlier???”
“We tried to tell you, Ben.”
I heard yesterday that ‘we prefer a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven.’
The more I step into the arena of life—moving to Argentina, posting on social media, building Renaissance, creating freedom, love, and power in myself—the more I got curious about what gave me the Ability to try these things out.
A regulated nervous system.
I’m coming home for the second time in a few weeks. Once for Thanksgiving, now Christmas.
When I arrived home for Thanksgiving, I was riding this wave of expansion and freedom from Argentina and my retreat.
I was regulated.
I knew what I was doing, who I was, and why I was doing it.
But I was entering the arena of family. Both wonderful AND also where all those limitations and stories I’d transcended originated from.
A week had passed and I was sitting at the dining room table trying to think about how to build Renaissance. My head was foggy, my heart pumping fast, I felt overwhelmed and lost around what I was doing.
I felt I needed things to move faster and be different.
My nervous system went from regulation to dysregulation…quick.
My knowing that money would flow to me turned to scarcity that it might never come.
My trust that Renaissance would grow over decades became a mad dash to do it all in one day.
My trust that I was ready for a relationship turned to frustration it wasn’t coming soon enough.
I was dysregulated.
Regulation is safe.
Dysregulation is unsafe.
Regulation is 360 degrees views. Expansion.
Dysregulation is narrow and constricting. Scarcity.
When we operate from dysregulation, we create lives of scarcity and feel a constant lack of safety.
I was trying to build a billion dollar company in a day and trying to go viral in a day. Constricted.
Here’s how you can create safety:
We create safety anytime we do something counter to what we’d do if running from a lion (danger).
We create safety when we breathe deeper and longer. Breathwork.
We create safety when we walk in nature and look up at the sky. Presence.
We create safety when we touch our heart and remind ourselves we are safe. Embodiment.
Sharing on social media has been a constant practice of reminding myself that I’m safe.
Safe that if somebody doesn’t like what I share, I’m safe. I’m going to live and still have all my limbs.
It’s funny I have to remind myself I still have my limbs but when we’re dysregulated and unsafe, we go into survival.
When you give yourself that safety, miracles happen.
Here’s to more miracles in your life!
What do you want to try out this next year? And how can you give yourself safety in the process?
All my love,
Double B